The Walk of Shame

I’m sure it’s happened to everyone. Whether commuting in a car or on public transport, you’ve suddenly found yourself nodding off and feel like you’re at the mercy of the Sandman. I succumbed to his mercy on a Friday. After a long week of work and dutifully meeting up with my friends for our weekly check in, I was on my way home. Mind you, I make this commute on this train line every day so I went onto autopilot, called a friend and settled into the 20-minute train ride. Unexpectedly, I looked up and was shocked to notice that I didn’t recognize my surroundings. I was faced with tile walls that looked like they hadn’t been renovated since 1974 and people loitered in the hallways that matched the same description. Hurriedly, I stepped out on the train, still on the phone, and rushed over to the other side of the tracks to check the train schedule home. I couldn’t stop staring in disbelief at the train schedule; I had missed the last train of the night by 5 minutes. Frantic, I hung up on my friend and checked the schedule on my phone. It revealed the same sad story. Additionally, it informed me that I was an hour and a half walk from home and had 25% of my cell phone battery left.

“Fabulous.” That was the only word that flicked through my mind.

I resignedly took stock of my surroundings. I was somewhere VERY north of the city surrounded by fields and I was dressed to the nines for a night out: high heels included. After scanning for a main road and finding none, I hiked out into the pasture that bordered the train station. Immediately I sunk ankle deep into the soggy, marshy ground ruining my shoes. “Well”, I supposed at that point, “I may as well slog through this mess since my shoes already belong in a garbage dump.”

I continued doggedly by moonlight, carefully stepping along until I came in contact with a fence. I correct myself; I got zapped by a fence. “In what universe is this necessary”, I asked myself, “to run a current through a pasture fence?! I mean honestly. This has got to be more effective on people than on animals.” Standing up from the ground I realized that I had not only ruined my shoes and my pride, but my favorite winter coat.

I don’t think I have ever felt more successful. Boiling with irritation, I purposefully stalked up the hill separating me from the train tracks. When I came to the chain link fence bordering the tracks I squatted down and ripped it out of the ground and shimmied under the hole I had made. (I will now apologize to the authorities for damaging their property.) Since there would not be another train until 4:30am, I figured it wouldn’t do any harm to walk down the rails. Plus, it’s always fun to feel like you’re tempting fate.

Plus I saw this little guy!

A hedgehog
My very first hedgehog sighting!

Eventually I saw a well-lit road just off the tracks and hopped the fence to trudge over there. When I stopped for a moment, I checked my phone. It let me know that it was 5*C, 1:00 in the morning and that I had an hour and a half walk to my house in the dark. I surmised that this would really take me closer to 2 hours since I was in heels and my feet already hurt, but I set off anyways. As I headed southbound I dreamed of calling taxis, I dreamed of warm beanies, and I dreamed of being able to see where my feet were wandering.

Black photo

This was my spectacular view of the countryside nightlife.

In fact here is a photo of what it looked like:

Since I had only 25% battery left on my phone, I thought it would be intelligent to save the little battery that I had in case of emergency so I walked in silence. The only company I had was a strong icy wind that rustled the fall leaves and the eerily bright light of the moon. In fact, I now understand why people actually USED the moon as a light source before public road lighting was common. I took it step by step, literally. Thankfully, other than being a mildly terrifying walk I eventually came to familiar surroundings. Once I recognized where I was, I bustled home to where I could blast my heater and defrost my poor fingers and toes while thanking them for enduring yet another one of my mishap adventures in Deutschland.


One Comment Add yours

  1. Beck says:

    I never noticed the hedgehog pic. Those are cool things. Oh, the picture of the ‘country nightlife’ is a big black rectangle. Are you being ironic?


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